I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize