I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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