she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
