just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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