Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize