Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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