If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
