1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
