Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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