My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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