So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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