Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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