yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
