You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
