guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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