Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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