i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
