i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So many bounce houses so little time
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
