You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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