He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
