He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
