she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
