you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize