We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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