I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
