I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
