So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
