He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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