Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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