I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
3pm strippers are depressing
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
