i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize