yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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