If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
