saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
