sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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