the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize