then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
