My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
