i would punch a child for taco bell
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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