I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
