Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
