you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
