i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
