my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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