What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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