if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
