Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
