i may or may not be watching the land before time
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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