My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
