I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
