Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
