Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
