if you like me you must not know who I am
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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