i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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