i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he was CRYING into my vagina
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The beer is more important than you right now.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
