we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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