How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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