3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
