I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
