I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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