how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Rumble strips road head = magical
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
