just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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