I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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