You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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