you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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