Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
